Stories

HOW WAS IT LIKE FOR YOU TO GROW UP AS A CHRISTIAN IN A HOME THAT PRACTISES ANCESTOR WORSHIP?

Though my mother did not object to me becoming a Christian, I still had to navigate the tension of practising my faith in a household where ancestor worship was dominant.

SHARE WITH US AN EXAMPLE OF SUCH TENSION

Well, as the youngest of her children, I shared a special bond with her. This special bond also came with responsibilities and chores, including helping my mother with her ancestor worship. Since young, I was often the only person “available” to help her set up the altar table with wine, chicken, duck, fish, pork, rice, joss sticks, candles, and so on.

If I were to stop helping my mother because of my newfound faith, she would struggle even more with her burden. So I continued to help her, at the same time praying to God that he would understand that in my heart these actions were merely chores to ease my long-suffering mother’s burdens, not an act of worship to my ancestors. 

WERE THERE NO ONE ELSE IN THE FAMILY WHO SHARED HER DEVOTION TO ANCESTOR WORSHIP?

Yes, my eldest brother. Sometime around 1995, my mother moved in to live with my eldest brother and family, continuing ancestor worship at her first-born’s house. Around the late 1990s, she ‘handed over’ these ancestor worship responsibilities to my eldest sister-in-law (who is a Hainanese). However, my mother soon realised it was too much work for her daughter-in-law to cope. Additionally, she didn’t think the ancestors would be pleased with a domestic helper assisting my sister-in-law (unlike when I, her daughter, helped her in the earlier years).

Eventually, in 2006 (or thereabout), the decision was made to “invite” our ancestors back to the ancestral home in Hainan. Although this arrangement meant that it was now my aunt’s (my father’s younger brother’s wife’s) responsibility to uphold the traditions, my mother zealously continued her participation in ancestor worship by sponsoring the worship costs and visiting Hainan every year.

DID YOUR MOTHER BRING YOU TO HAINAN ON THOSE YEARLY VISITS?

(Laughs) Funny you should ask. For all our special bond, I wasn’t the perfect daughter and I could be stubborn about certain things too. And one thing I was stubborn about was that I didn’t want to go to Hainan. But that’s another story for another time. By the time 2013 came around, I was the only one of my siblings who had not gone back with her to the ancestral home. But then, just as God chipped away my mother’s stubbornness against Him, He would give me a very good reason to let go of my stubbornness against Hainan.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

In 2013, my siblings and I wanted to take our mother for a holiday in Bangkok. She declined. Instead, she expressed her last wish: to bring me, her youngest child, to pay respect at the ancestral home in Hainan, as all my older siblings had done. While this might have seemed like yet another moment where she was holding fast to her ancestor worship, something prompted me to see things differently. Almost instinctively, I made this pact with her: I would go to Hainan with her, and thereafter, she would go to church with me."

WHAT A PACT! SHE AGREED?

Yes, praise God! Fast forward to 16 Feb 2014. My sister and I brought our mother to the Hainanese service at the Holy Grace Presbyterian Church. To our surprise, she enjoyed the “outing” and was so happy to be able to converse in her dialect with almost everyone. On subsequent Sundays, she continued to join us in church, without any hesitation.

In fact, she eagerly looked forward each Sunday to join the Hainanese community in church. A month later, the leaders and pastor visited her again, and this time, she welcomed them with open arms. Amazing—these were the same people who visited earlier when she rejected them!

After Easter Sunday of 2014, I sat her down and explained what it meant to believe in Jesus, to accept Him as personal Saviour and to become His child. She responded, “Yes, I really like going to church.” The following Sunday, a church elder spoke to her and led her in the sinner’s prayer. Praise the Lord!

On Christmas Sunday, 21 Dec 2014, at the age of 84, my beloved mother was baptised.

WHAT DO YOU THINK BROUGHT ABOUT THE CHANGE IN YOUR MOTHER’S ATTITUDE, FROM REJECTION TO ACCEPTANCE?

I don’t have a simple answer – and probably only God will know the full story. But looking back, I think one thing that helped was that I conscientiously keep my relationship with her going. So other than helping her with chores when I was younger (even those linked with ancestor worship), I also regularly set aside time for her when she began to live by herself (she moved out of her first-born’s place).

For a period, I would visit her with my 3 young boys almost every Sunday and I would also take care of her groceries while I was at it. Now, I don’t know whether I can claim credit, but maybe it’s because these efforts kept us close such that she was open to making that “pact” with me.

That being said, if the time and effort I put in had any impact on my mother’s change in attitude, it would be because God in his sovereign grace allowed it. In fact, the more I reflect on her life, the more I see that it was not anyone’s actions that brought her to Him, but God working through those actions. Even as I accompanied her to church, there were times when I had my doubts about whether she truly changed. “Is my mum really saved?” “Does she truly understand that Jesus came to die for her sins?” Yet God assured me by providing glimpses of how He was working in her life.

GIVE AN EXAMPLE OF THESE “GLIMPSES”.

In July 2014, my mother’s eldest grandson was getting married. Now, for an ancestor worshipper, the eldest male of the next generation getting married is a very big deal. At that point, my aunt (who was in charge of ancestor worship rituals) asked my mother if she should prepare the ancestral offerings at my mother’s place. Despite the occasion’s importance, my mum declined, saying “I am now going to church already. I won’t be offering prayers to ancestors in my house anymore. You can offer them when you return to Hainan.”

ANY OTHER INDICATIONS OF YOUR MOTHER’S NEWFOUND FAITH?

Actually, the incident that gave the clearest evidence of my mother’s understanding of her faith in Jesus Christ, happened on the eve of her baptism. My non-believing, ancestor-worshipping cousin took me aside to ask, “Does it mean, in future, when she is gone, we won’t be able to hold joss sticks for her?” When I told my mother about my cousin’s concern, she replied, “When I am living, I can see you visit me and what gift you bring. When I am lying there in the coffin, I will not know what is happening and whether you hold joss sticks or not. It wouldn’t matter at all.” Hallelujah!

Indeed, I now believe she passed away with the peace of the Lord. Even while she was with us, there was one occasion where my mother mentioned to my non-believing brother how she enjoyed going to church. My non-believing brother remarked that he could see Mum having much peace at that stage of her life. He noticed that she had stopped worrying about money matters and she looked radiant and peaceful, always wearing a smile. “So unlike her before,” he said.

FINALLY, COULD YOU CLOSE WITH A FEW WORDS TO THOSE WHO ARE STILL PRAYING FOR THEIR PARENTS AND LOVED ONES TO COME TO CHRIST?

If you have loved ones, parents or family members who have yet to come to know Jesus, may I encourage you to persevere in prayer and to show love and care.

● Build a close relationship (as I did through helping my mum with household chores and setting aside regular time to visit)

● Build common interests (like our shared Hainanese heritage)

● Intentionally create interest in religious subjects

● Appropriately share the message (as I did when explaining what it meant to believe in Jesus)

● Do not condemn (remember my mother's openness to my faith even when she practised ancestor worship)

I know of many old folks whose hearts appeared to be hardened, but who knows, when God works, a child-like faith like my mother’s can come forth. Her story is a testament to the power of God's grace, which knows no bounds of age, culture, or past beliefs.

I am reminded of God’s Word in 1 Timothy 1:14: “The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.” To God be the glory!

THANK YOU, JANICE, FOR SHARING WITH US THE AMAZING STORY OF YOUR MUM.