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Pastors Wives Fellowship
Every year, BPCIS holds a retreat for pastors and leaders. The 2019 theme was Loneliness. “Who could be more lonely than the wives of pastors?” remarked a veteran pastor. That year we decided to include wives at our retreat. As Dr Tan Soo Inn spoke to the men, his wife Bernice Lee met with the women. Here is what happened that led to the inaugural BP Pastors’ Wives gathering on 1 July 2023.
It all began in 2019, at the BPCIS leader’s retreat in Johor Bahru. It was the first retreat where spouses of those in full-time ministry were invited. During the retreat, Bernice (Graceworks), encouraged us to initiate the 321 model of spiritual friendship. God brought us - Dawn (Mt Hermon), Hazel (Zion Serangoon) and Chene (Zion Bishan) - together and we agreed to meet up afterwards. This turned out to be the start of a friendship that survived the pandemic, and we continued to meet up for breakfast - to share life and pray.
In April this year, one of us recalled that session back in 2019 and wished there was some way for us to catch up with all those women - as we hadn’t had any opportunity to meet over the last few years. That’s when we had the idea of organising a BP pastor’s wives gathering. It seemed crazy. None of us had any experience and doubted if anyone would even want to come! Nevertheless, we thought we should give it a try. Dawn’s church had just moved into a beautiful new site, so the venue was sorted, and thus we began planning…
Finally, the day arrived, and we were all very nervous. We managed to persuade Esther Quek (Emmanuel) and Siew Lan (Herald) to be our speakers. By God’s grace, 19 ladies from 10 churches turned up! This was such an encouragement to us!
"The sharing touched hearts and many eyes were filled with tears."
Esther and Siew Lan, who each have been ‘a pastor’s wife’ for over 40 years, shared from their hearts about their joys and their struggles, as well as what they would have done differently - in terms of partnering their husbands in ministry. The sharing touched hearts and many eyes were filled with tears. All of us could identify with the stories of loneliness and fear and yet, there were also testimonies of God’s faithfulness, grace and steadfast love for all the saints, especially those that serve on the frontlines of His Kingdom.
After that, we had a time of small group interaction. The older women vulnerably shared their mistakes and the precious lessons learnt, and the younger ladies voiced their struggles without feeling judged.
"I am thankful that many found the courage to share their hearts’ cry in this inaugural fellowship and even more who listened and prayed on meaningfully."
One participant, Vivienne, shared post-event,
“The theme of spiritual friendship stood out amidst the heartfelt sharing. Enduring fiery trials without feeling like there was someone to confide in, the apprehension and sadness of not knowing trustworthy fellow sisters-in-Christ, the fear of stumbling others. These heart-rending stories were stirring and the conundrum of being pastor’s wives in ministry hit home: we who offer emotional support and help to others in crises were ourselves sometimes starved of it for all intents and purposes.
Others with wise and accepting sisters-in-Christ attested to the incredible blessing these friendships are. I am thankful that many found the courage to share their hearts’ cry in this inaugural fellowship and even more who listened and prayed on meaningfully. It kindled my hope that we can learn to hold out God’s unconditional love and journey with one another towards peace and closure.”
It was indeed heart-warming to see godly women of different ages and churches coming together to share, encourage and pray for one another.
We were relieved that everything went well, and that all present, including ourselves, were blessed and ministered by the earnest conversations. It is humbling to know that despite our lack of experience, Jesus used all our different gifts to make this happen. All glory to God!
We deeply hope that this session will in turn be the catalyst to many other friendship groups amongst the spouses of those in frontline ministry within the BP churches - it is so badly needed. We also hope that this will be the first of many BP pastor’s wives conferences to come! Do pray along with us for wisdom and strength on how to make this a reality.
As for the 3 of us, we continue to meet for breakfast. Thanks to God for bringing us together!
Feedback from Participants
“I'm not alone ... I was encouraged to continue holding on to the reason that God had put us together, to cheer my husband on in doing God's work. I recognised that this will require continual renewal of commitment and constant dying to self.“
Patsy
“Very helpful… no one standing alone! This shows us the deep emotions some of us went through… and at the same time we came through victorious. Now we have each other to pray with… Amen!”
Jenny
“(The) traditional stereotypes of pastors' wives seems to have lessened in our generation, though undoubtedly, some form of expectations will always be there. (Yet), we are not alone & we must continue to encourage each other. Find a spiritual friend & don’t journey alone!”
Jamie
“The Lord spoke to me today through this! Thank you! The authenticity in the speakers' sharing and our small group sharing were precious. Lovely to meet the intergenerational Pastors' Wives.”
Hwee Ping