​“We’re going to Japan!” Rev Dr Peter Teo announced to his young family. Terrie, his wife, and their two little boys, Daniel, 4 and Matthew, 2, were all thrilled. In 1987, during the Mount Carmel Missions Conference, Pastor Peter had responded to God’s call to serve in the mission field. Now, nine years later, the opportunity presented itself. The Teos were commissioned as missionaries to Japan in partnership with OMF Singapore.

On 15 May 1996, the family eagerly flew to Sapporo where for the next two years Pastor Peter and Terrie would be studying Japanese at the OMF Language Centre. As the acquisition of a new language was extremely demanding, they were told to avoid having a new baby for this period. The Teos had a prenuptial agreement to have four children. They loved children and wanted to pass on their Christian heritage to them. So, putting off having children was a difficult choice for them.

By the end of the two years, they had some working knowledge of the language and were assigned to a local church in Minami Ku. The time was right to grow their own family of four. They were already 39 years of age. Would there be problems in conception? Maybe; but they had faith that God would work it out for them. True enough, in March 1999, they had the good news that Terrie was expecting. The Teos were elated!

At the end of the first trimester Terrie consulted a Japanese obstetrician. As he watched Terrie exit the consultation room, Pastor Peter suspected something was drastically wrong. “The foetus may be dead,” she cried. In a flash, joy turned to sorrow. The doctor suggested waiting a week before doing another scan to confirm his diagnosis.

That was one of the most difficult periods of their lives as questions flooded their minds. “Is the foetus alive? If he or she is alive and through a miracle survives, he or she could be physically and mentally deformed. It would be so challenging to take care of such an infant. If the foetus is dead, would it pose any danger to Terrie’s life? Would it decompose and produce toxins that might interfere with Terrie’s physiology?” They also wrestled over many theological questions during this challenging week. “Is the foetus saved? Will the foetus go to heaven with eternal life? If so, will we be able to recognise him or her when we meet again in heaven? Will the foetus remain a foetus forever or will it be an adult in heaven?”



The follow-up ultrasound scan revealed their worst fears. There was no heartbeat, no movement and the size of the foetus was too small for a gestational age of 11 weeks. It was confirmed. The foetus had died. It was bad enough to try and cope with this heart-rending news but an even worse prospect awaited them - how to communicate it to their two boys? Daniel and Matthew were looking forward to another sibling to play with.

As Pastor Peter drove his sons to the hospital where Terrie was, he broke the news to them. Daniel was seated in the front seat. Upon hearing the news, he dropped his head into his palms and began to sob. He asked, “How did my brother or sister die? What will happen to him or her? Will I see him or her again?” Pastor Peter found it almost impossible to answer him at that time. Soon they arrived at the hospital and Daniel, upon seeing his mum lying on the hospital bed, ran and climbed on top of her. Placing his head on top of his mother’s abdomen and his hands around her body, he started to cry, “Baby, I am sorry you are dead. I don’t have a chance to see you or to be your brother. God will take care of you. I will see you in heaven.” Moved by the reality of this statement, the family just hugged each other and wept.

After the D&C to remove the foetus, Terrie fell into depression. One of her first reactions was to ask God why this happened to her. She argued and reasoned with God. “God, we delayed having our third child because we were studying the Japanese language for two years. We came to Japan to serve you! Couldn’t you have taken care of us by ensuring that the conception goes well? Surely, I don’t deserve this since I am a missionary!” They were not prepared to face this terrible unexpected experience.

To compound their suffering, they did not have anyone with whom they could seek reassurance or solace, as no one they knew in Minami Ku spoke sufficient English.

The Teos felt isolated and at a loss. But God in His goodness provided for them. The OMF International Medical Director happened to be in Tokyo at that time. Speaking to her in English about their situation eventually gave them some comfort. They decided to hold a simple service to commemorate the passing of their unborn baby. The memorial service allowed them to bring that chapter of their lives to a close and to spur them to move on. They refused to allow a failed pregnancy to deter them from fulfilling what God had called them to do which was to serve as missionaries of the Gospel.

Sometime in late October 1999, Terrie was pregnant again. Once more, the Teos celebrated with great joy. God had blessed them with their fourth child! Yes, they considered this conception as their fourth child. They prayed that the new baby would grow normally and healthily. However, within five weeks of the pregnancy Terrie began bleeding. Their worst nightmare recurred. Terrie had a miscarriage. The Teos were devastated. Their joy turned to sorrow for the second time. They anguished over why such a tragedy had to happen again. They were God’s servants! They had sacrificed so much for Him! So why? It was so unfair!

Pastor Peter recalls, “We could not hide our disappointment as we battled over the reasons why such a thing had to happen to us when we were God’s faithful servants. Every time we saw a mother who successfully gave birth to her child, we asked God why He wouldn’t bless us with the gift of a child.” But eventually the Teos submitted to God’s will and trusted that He had something better for them in the future. By God’s grace, Terrie conceived early the following year.

Once again, they were ecstatic over God’s blessing. An early consultation with an obstetrician assured them that this baby was strong; in fact, the doctor predicted a success rate of 97% for this pregnancy. They took every precaution to ensure that this pregnancy would proceed smoothly. Terrie made sure she had sufficient rest and took lots of folic acid and other supplements. Sadly, by the eleventh week, they sensed that something was wrong with the foetus. Déjà vu. A visit to the obstetrician confirmed their worst fears. The foetus’ heartbeat could not be heard, its size was too small and it was not moving.

For the third time within a span of one year, they suffered the loss of a loved one. They felt like they were drowning in grief. Their spirits were crushed; their heartache was overwhelming. Regrettably, their grief turned to shame as more doubts and questions consumed them. “Why can’t Terrie conceive? Was it because of our ages? Were we too old to bear another child? Was this failure to conceive due to some secret sins we have committed and God was not pleased to bless us?”

This loss took a toll on their marriage too. When Terrie returned home from the hospital, she was angry and bitter. “Don’t you ever dare to ask me again for another child!” she snapped. Her words cut deep into Pastor Peter’s heart. But knowing his wife, he responded with gentleness and compassion. He understood the hurt and trauma that she had been through. He realised that what was best for Terrie was time and space to mourn and for God to minister to her needs. God’s presence did bring them comfort and healing and they got through their ordeal.

Journey Ending

'Terrie conceived once more. One of the ultrasound tests revealed that the foetus had some abnormality.'

Soon after that the Teos returned to Singapore. Needless to say, Terrie was still fearful to try for yet another child. However, a year later, in 2001, Terrie conceived once more. One of the ultrasound tests revealed that the foetus had some abnormality. Their doctor suggested undergoing a procedure known as amniocentesis for a more detailed diagnosis and further management of the pregnancy. They agonized over this and after much prayer, turned down the doctor’s recommendation. “We steadfastly put our faith in God and we are ready to accept whomever God will send into our family,” Pastor Teo said with great conviction. God honoured their faith and on 22 August 2001, a healthy, bouncy baby Ruth was born!

A New Season

Pastor Peter and Terrie completed their service in Japan and returned to Singapore to serve in their home church, Mount Carmel BP Church. Their children have grown up. Daniel is now 29 and Matthew, 27. What about Ruth? Today, Ruth is a third-year medical student at NUS, equipping herself to serve the Lord Jesus as her parents had done. Pastor Peter is Missions Pastor of Mount Carmel. Terrie serves in Family Life at Pentecost Methodist Church.

Pastor Peter has been diagnosed with an eye condition called glaucoma which may lead to the loss of vision in his right eye. So the journey of loss and grief continues. But he has learned to say, “The Lord has given and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:21)

Note: Children's book The Moon is Always Round, by Jonathan Gibson, may help parents talk to their young kids about failed pregnancies/death. You can find the book on major online book stores.